[FUNimation's Website][News Letter #1][News Letter #2]
[From FUNimation's FAQ][An Interview with Satan and his Wife]
[All-New 5" Dragonball Action Figures Announced][Interview with Gen][FUNimation FAQ]
FUNimation's news letter (recieved November 8, 1999)
"Sumimasen. We are sorry."
(Wait, you're sorry for ruining DBZ? Wow! Maybe they're listening to all the real otaku's out there and mean to change DBZ for the better!)
Please accept our apologies for not sending out a newsletter sooner. You will receive these emails at least once a month. We appreciate your comments and do (not) consider them. Many of you have the same questions and issues. Here are answers to the most asked questions:
(Oops, maybe not. Wishful thinking I guess...)
Q- Will we produce Dragon Ball GT?
A- Dragon Ball is a series where each episode builds on the previous episode's storyline (a storyline which we take pride in changing and have fun creating loop holes in the plot!). We are currently in the process of producing (producing- n. ruining; see also reversioning) and broadcasting the DBZ episodes. We have every intention of producing (once again) all of the episodes, including the rest of Dragon Ball (which we quit doing after 13 episodes because or pact with Satan was being violated). We have just produced (see that? there it is again!) and released new episodes for Cartoon Network which are currently airing. We hope to proceed to (ruin) Dragon Ball GT next.
Q- Will there be a Season 4?
A- As you are aware, FUNimation is the production (!) company. Cartoon Network decides which episodes to air and when. Regardless of Cartoon Network's plans, FUNimation is going to (screw them and make money on our own by) produce (ing) episodes for a 4th Season and will make them available on home video (for outragous prices). We know that many of you want uncut DBZ (but we don't give a God damn!). Although we must edit the series for TV (FCC (AKA Satan) guidelines), we will continue to release both Uncut and Edited versions on Home Video (please note that Uncut and Edited mean the exact same thing).
Q- Why aren't there any Video Games?
A- Unfortunately, (we are cheap as all hell and) the Bandai Dragon Ball video games are not available in the USA. Since FUNimation did not design these games, we cannot manufacture them and get them out to you guys (at outragous prices). However, we are talking to several companies interested in producing games and will be providing additional information as soon as we can (However, since we lie out of our asses, this will most likely never happen). Many of you have said that a game is being made for Sega's Dreamcast System. We are not aware of it. If you have any details, please let us know (Because we are clueless as to what goes on with our own show).
Q- Why did we change the voices?
A- Hey, we don't like changing the voices. But (Satan really got pissed at us because the first two seasons were getting too sucessful and besides that) you have to realize that sometimes the voice actors can no longer record the voices for a variety of reasons (such as: We don't pay them enough, bringing us back to the point of being cheap as hell, and quite frankly, we couldn't give a damn less about the fans of DBZ). Many of the old voice actors have moved on to new commitments (which pay more money than we do), and we have moved our recording facilities from Canada to Texas (because we like to see the reaction in the viewers when we screw them over). Please be patient and give the new actors a chance, we think they'll grow on you (like a flesh eating virus grows on a starving Ethiopian herione addict).
Q- Why isn't the Website updated?
A- We are currently redesigning the site in Flash. Look for new stuff coming shortly.
Q- What are the latest DBZ Video Releases?
A- We just released three new videos which should be showing up any day now at your local retailers. These are:
Frieza - Clash
Frieza - Super Saiyan Goku.
These are available in both Uncut and Edited Versions. You can find them at our online store, https://www.funimation.net/DBZStore.shtml, and at most video retailers.
(Q- Why do you censore the crap out of DBZ when you know most people want it in it's raw form?)
(A- Well, you see the thing about that is... gubasubalazaa...! *Running away*)
Great news. More Dragon Ball Z products are going to be available this year (and that means more money for us!). Bad news is that many of them will still be in short supply (because we are too cheap to pay for more). Some of the manufacturers are flying in products (from some unknown island in the South Seas) to try to meet the demand, but simply cannot get them manufactured and shipped fast enough (despite the millions of slave children in our many sweat shops in China). You can always look on our website for Dragon Ball Z products.
This is a list of products available by Christmas.
(Then there is an extensive list of all the money makers they have produced)
Be sure to check out the products for SALE (... sale oh baby! more money more money more money more money!) in the Dragon Ball Z online store!
https://www.funimation.net/DBZStore.shtml (wait, what was the URL for their store again? I wish they would advertise it 20 or 21 more times!)
We would like to hear from you (not really, but that really sounded good didn't it?)!
Email us at email@example.com with the Subject: INPUT
1.)What product would you like to see on the market? We're working on games. (We'll even sell our moms for a buck!)
2.)What would you like to see on the Dragon Ball Z website? (Say: "More Products!")
(And they end the letter with the name of a blast that they cannot pronounce!? How lame is that!? Oh well, that's FUNimation for you!)
Ok, so I have to give them credit for attaching this picture to the bottom of the email:
If you have found any of FUNimation's premium bull shit, please feel free to email it to me!