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Anti funimation

[FUNimation's Website][News Letter #1][News Letter #2]
[From FUNimation's FAQ][An Interview with Satan and his Wife]
[All-New 5" Dragonball Action Figures Announced][Interview with Gen][FUNimation FAQ]

All New 5" Dragonball Action Figures Announced (Found and torn apart by Tim)

tate-of-art articulation (child labor) and micro-finish detailing bring new 5" figures to life. ("I'm 'krillen' I'll send you to 'another dimension' with my 'destructo disc'!!!")
BR> Irwin Toy Limited, (limited because there are only so many children to use to make the toys) master North American licensee (see, we at FUNi can't even spell) for Dragonball Z Action Figures, (are we the only ones who beleive scumbags like us have a right to use their name on the figures?) announced today the debut date of an all-new, super-tech series of 5" action figures scheduled for introduction in the U.S. and Canada by mid-summer. Along with the much anticipated release, the company also plans a roll-out of accessories including a Rejuvenation Chamber, Flying Nimbus Cloud, Die-Cast Vehicles with Collectable Capsule.

The explosive success of the re-launch of the Japanese animé series last September on Cartoon Network and YTV Canada; and the resultant, dramatic rise in U.S. and Canadian sales of the current Dragonball Z action figure series, set the design wheels in motion at Canada's largest toy manufacturer and distributor late last year.

"We had a real challenge on our hands" said George Irwin,("the children are losing fingers too quickly, because they have to handle the burning plastic with their bare hands...") President and CEO at Irwin Toy. "There's massive popularity in the characters of this series and we were determined to catch the wave.(of what?, ruining not only the series but the reputation of DBZ action figures?) That meant one of the fastest turnovers in the company's history, and we are more than just happy about the results. These new action figures are incredibly life-like!"(?!)

The first pre-production samples were unveiled to the executive at the company's headquarters in Toronto earlier this month. The figures represent the first, completely new designs since the Asian premiere of the product in the late 80's.(anddd... who said there was anything wrong with them, so that you had to fuck them up?)

The company has taken full advantage of the revolution in manufacturing technologies during the past decade. The new figures feature full articulation and extremely high detailing which is especially noticeable in the faces of the new 5" series.(like the fact that Gokou doesn't look like himself at all?) Company spokesmen pointed out the unique challenges of putting into three-dimensional form, the nuances of two-dimensional, animated illustrations.

"The goal was to design something completely new from the ground up. We worked closely with the manufacturers to get just the right cast to the eyes and capture the nuances of each character's face. We wanted there to be an instant recognition factor here, and we believe we've come as close to this as is possible in the translation." (as close to what?! Dog shit?)

Sophisticated articulation is also a hallmark with the new 5" Dragonball Z series.

Micro-painted finishes are also very much in evidence. Clothing colours and flesh-tones, feature pin-point accuracy which give each of the new figures a further dimension of realism. ("...we whipped the children extra hard to color in the lines this time, unlike previous experiences...")

"Clothing looks like clothing and skin tones have natural variances. (look at Gokou from series 1 of the 5 inch figures of the irwin toys, Gokou's body is a different color then his head!) It's surprising just how much more 'alive' this makes the figures." said Marketing Vice-President, Francess Wells-Cunningham.

Roll-out of the all-new 5" action figure series is slated for late August 2000. Character introductions will be matched to the episode instalments. (once again, we can't spell...) As new characters make their appearance on Cartoon Network in the U.S. and Canada's YTV, the matching action figures will debut in stores nation-wide. (way over priced, but we at FUNi beleive you have the iq of an ape...)

Select action figures in the all-new 5" series will also be available in a deluxe edition featuring ejecting 'energy balls' (where to start?) along with accessories including a Flying Nimbus Cloud. The battery operated Cloud uses real 'hovercraft' (it's just too easy to make fun of these idiots...) technology to glide across surfaces.

Supporting the introduction, Irwin Toy plans a series of new television commercials which will begin airing in Fall 2000. (so we can show you what we believe an actual fan's IQ is.) New packaging, P.O.P. materials and special events will support the introductions at the retailer level.

With the new figures now imminent, the company is also focussing attention on another phenomenon of the action figure market - collectablitiy. The present series is now out of production and goes Silver this summer. Kids and adults alike will be hunting out characters to complete their collections. Advises the company: "this is the best time for anyone wanting to complete their original Dragonball Z collections!" (In conclusion, Irwin and FUNi, create the stupidest team, if the fans wanted to complete their 'original collections' they would get figures that actually look like the actual character. And besides, hunting out is a bad choice of words, 1. it makes FUNi sound dumber than they are, and 2. goto Toys R' Us. Finally, reading through this, it doesn't seem they even needed my help to make themselves sound like a bunch of idiots who haven't the slightest idea about the first rule of TV: GIVE THE FUCKING PEOPLE, WHAT THEY FUCKING WANT!!)

Also, I am going to have to say Yajirobe looks like... a pig... Furiza also looks like he is in the middle of pleasuring himself, by the pose he is in, and Nappa looks like he has a donut around his waste, all treats by the; loser, perverted, and just plain dumb, team at FUNi. Like the toys that preceded them, they probably don't move much.

After viewing the toys, I have to say, they aren't as bad as the prior ones, but still pretty bad... The only thing I actually like is some of their character choices.

Going up?