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Anti funimation

[FUNimation's Website][News Letter #1][News Letter #2]
[From FUNimation's FAQ][An Interview with Satan and his Wife]
[All-New 5" Dragonball Action Figures Announced][Interview with Gen][FUNimation FAQ]

Gen Fukunaga, Executive Producer, (Satan enthusiast) and President (found December 3, 2000)

Thanks for all your interest in DBZ. There are some commonly asked questions which I would be happy(willing) to answer to keep you updated(from hunting down my family and tearing them limb from limb, you angry, rabid mob of teenage ruffians, you!).

MOVIES: We have certain exclusive rights (pacts with Satan) to allow us to acquire (destroy) the remaining movies but negotiations with the Japanese on this matter take a very long time (a whole lot of torture). We have been negotiating (at war) for 12 months and we still have no idea when we will get them (how to pry the tapes from the cold dead hands of the Japanese). As you may know, the two TV Movie/Specials ("The Trunks Story", "Bardock: Father of Goku") are being released direct to home video this year(destroyed beyond recognition) [personally, I think these are totally awesome mo(ney makers)vies]. We are in negotiations with some major studios(the Prince of Darkness) for a theatrical launch in 2001. Most likely, we will utilize a "double feature" of movies 6 and 7 (rather than 5 and 6, because, being that movies 5 and 6 have related story lines, that would make way too much sense).

HOME VIDEO/DVD: Our plans are to continue to release DVD (which includes subtitle, original music, uncut footage, original Japanese audio) of all episodes past 53 as well as any movies we get so long as we can meet a bare minimum sales level (of $17,000,000,000 and change). We have no plans for VHS subtitle releases because sales are dismal for these (and boy would Satan be pissed. I tell ya, we released the uncut episodes and he got so angry he beat me AND Sabat within an inch of our lives). Pioneer controls home video rights to episodes 1 53 and the first 3 movies so we are not doing anything with these titles(planning on breaking into Pioneer studios and stealing the rights and the movies back. Yes... I covered that up nicely...).

VIDEO GAMES: We are in final negotiations (with "The Man Downstairs") on video games for multiple platforms with a major video game publisher. The hold-up is trying to obtain approvals from Japan. (Apparently the Japanese are "angry" with us because everytime we buy new episodes, we "ruin" them with "bad scripting", "horrible music" and "untrained/under-paid voice actors". [LAUGHS] Those crazy Japs!)

ILLEGAL GOODS(NARCOTICS): We are trying to aggressively stop(traffic) illegal items (substances) including full episodes on the web(to young children). "fan subs"("heroin") whose purpose is to make profits(small children go into epileptic-style seisures and cause projectile vomitting), black-market "products" (*wink, wink*), etc. We have launched multiple law suits(commercial campaigns) in this regard. (We even have a catchy slogan: "Smoking crack makes you cool!")

ENGLISH DUB: Viewer Response: In general, the overwhelming response to our dub and new music has been positive(uncontrollable diarehea) by the audience which views Cartoon Network.

Voice Actors: We do not plan to use Freddie Prinze Jr. (for sexual favors) at this time. We do not plan to change our existing voice actors(slaves). We have not yet cast the (poorly done) voice of teen Gohan (nor any other actors after the Cell Saga).

HISTORY: FUNimation started in 1994 through my love(hatred) of Japanese animation (and desired to ruin the beautiful artwork and defile the heartwarming storylines and characters). I remember religiously watching "Space Battleship Yamato"(masturbating to hentai) when I was living in Japan as a youngster. Due to Hollywood's "not invented here" attitude, Japanese animation had huge hurdles to overcome. Thanks to the help(deaths) of many (innocent) people, we were able to meet with TOEI (Satan) and we immediately became interested in(stormed TOEI's offices and stole) Dragon Ball. So we raised investment funds(sold our souls to the Keeper of the Underworld) and started the company.

FUTURE: We plan to move to (the bowels of Hell, and kill) Dragon Ball GT after DBZ (is thoroughly dead, buried and we have all pissed/danced on its grave) we also want to find a way to give Dragon Ball exposure as well. (Unfortunately, "play the show on TV, unedited with good voice actors, the original script and music" hasn't crossed our minds yet. Hang in there, we're working on a solution.) But, these shows can not be heavily promoted today because the retailers do not want the confusion in the market place of having 3 similar products simultaneously. (Unfortunately "play the shows in the chronological order in which they were created, published, produced, aired, and in which the events took place" is another solution that is beyond our comprehension.) Regarding other anime, we are trying to acquire as much good anime as possible and I hope to announce something in the next few months (Editor's Note: First of all, the asshole obviously has a very rhudimentary grasp of vocabulary and grammatical skills... "as much good anime" probably means "as many good anime". Second, let us join hands in prayer: "Please, God, if you love us, please! Do not let FUNimation get their disgusting, filthy, blood-stained, evil hands on any other anime!). As for characters I like, some of my favorite characters include Goku in Dragon Ball (innocent but tough (but you guys wouldn't know a damned thing about that because Dragon Ball didn't make enough money in the States so we quit producing it)), Android 18 (sexy (like the girls I spanked off to in those hentai back in the day) and self-confident), Pilaf (funny (once again, there was little/no Pilaf in NA Dragonball, so who am I trying to fool?)), and Oolong in Dragon Ball (funny (but... ah, forget it)). Also, Piccolo and Vegeta's dry sense of humor (that don't exist in the Japanese version) are great and Bulma has a lot of spunk (on her face after I'm done reading the fan-manga hentai I downloaded) and is fun (O_o x 40). We welcome any fans to visit our offices in Fort Worth. (But beware, the defense systems at FUNimation include laser trip-wiring, motion sensitive video cameras and proximity mines. Also, all staff members are given a standard issue SKS Chinese Assault rifle for their own protection. You better bring a tank...)

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